Major General.kar

I am the very model
of a modern Major~General,

I've information vegetable,
animal, and mineral,

I know the Kings of England,
and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo,
in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted, too,
with matters mathematical,

I understand equations,
both the simple and quadratical,

About binomial theorem
I'm teeming with a lot o' news,

With many cheerful facts about
the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral
and differential calculus;

I know the scientific names
of beings animalculous:

In short, in matters vegetable,
animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of
a modern Major~General!

I know our mythic history,
King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;

I answer hard acrostics,
I've a pretty taste for paradox,

I quote in elegiacs
all the crimes of Heliogabalus,

In conics I can floor
peculiarities parabolous;

I can tell undoubted Raphaels
from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,

I know the croaking chorus
from the Frogs of Aristophanes!

Then I can hum a fugue of which
I've heard the music's din afore,

And whistle all the airs
from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!

Then I can write a washing bill
in Babylonic cuneiform,

And tell you ev'ry detail
of Caractacus's uniform:

In short, in matters vegetable,
animal, and mineral,

I am the very model
of a modern Major~General!

In fact, when I know what is meant
by "mamelon" and "ravelin",

When I can tell at sight
a Mauser rifle from a javelin,

When such affairs as sorties
and surprises I'm more wary at,

And when I know precisely
what is meant by "commissariat",

When I have learnt what progress
has been made in modern gunnery,

When I know more of tactics
than a novice in a nunnery.

In short, when I've a smattering
of elemental strategy,

You'll say a better
Major~General has never sat a gee.

For my military knowledge,
though I'm plucky and adventury,

Has only been brought down
to the beginning of the century;

But still, in matters vegetable,
animal, and mineral,

I am the very model
of a modern Major~General!

I am the very model
of a modern Major~General,

I've information vegetable,
animal, and mineral,

I know the Kings of England,
and I quote the fights historical.

I am the very model
of a modern Major~General.